That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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