I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just had sex on a roof
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
