he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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