Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
