hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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