I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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