and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
