He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
