thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
