I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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