sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
