I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
