I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
