in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he quoted the bible to break up with me
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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