i love accidental penises.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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