Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
