my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
