Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
