Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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