I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
