i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
