do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
