She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
