I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
