i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
