My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
