As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
