and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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