Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
