True but thats because hes a fetus.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
