oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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