The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
