If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
