Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
