I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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