Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
