im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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