So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
