wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
