I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
