tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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