found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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