i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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