He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
