I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
