I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
