did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
