my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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