and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
