is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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