she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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