My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
