I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
