The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
