Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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