oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
